fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
