too bad you live with your parents still
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
