Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
