Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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