I will die if light touches me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
