He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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