Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
