Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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