I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
