I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
