how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
