This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
