Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
