I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
