So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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