I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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