Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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