brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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