Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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