Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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