Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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