Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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