last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
