Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
