You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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