Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize