just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
