I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
