FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
