get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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