i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
