I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
