I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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