I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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