I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
