Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
