walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
