True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
