My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
