Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
