kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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