She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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