Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
