His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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