if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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