i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
