I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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