You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
