just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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