I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
