I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
