Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
