I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
