I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
