How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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