when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We named our party play list daddy issues
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
