before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
