she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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