Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
