Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
