please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
