My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
