so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
