We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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