Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
