Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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