he thought i was a dude.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she smelled like a LAN party
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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