Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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