And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think a kid would responsible me up
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
