my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
